Hempstead, NY – October 16, 2012 – As President Barack Obama exhaustively practices for tonight’s debate with Republican nominee Mitt Romney, sources close to his debate coaching team say the script for the Denver debate held on October 3 was stolen just before the President was to go on the air.
An unidentified source said the hard copy was stolen before it could be loaded into the teleprompter, forcing the president to ad-lib his responses for the entire debate. “It wasn’t that Mr. Obama didn’t know the answers,” said the anonymous source, “The stress of losing the best ones possible just a couple hours before sent him into a frenzy, which exhausted the president mentally and physically.”
Moderator Jim Lehrer, who denies experiencing a phenomenon now called “sleep moderating” during the event, says he has no knowledge of any reports the script was stolen. Experts say the phenomenon is a potentially chronic condition similar to sleep walking. Lehrer was noted for his lack of control of the candidates during the debate, and reports of his dozing while off camera have been disputed.
Exactly who took the debate script for Denver remains unknown. A secret investigative committee, according to sources at the FBI, is looking into several individuals working for the GOP. The bureau refused to release any names at the time of this report, but also added that an inside job was not out of the question. Sources working for a rogue division added solar flares or aliens may have played a role.
Investigators also noted that a Pentagon threat assessment team was activated to ensure that the October 16 manuscript would be safe and sound. It was stored in an online database just for precaution. Secure channels would be used to upload it to the teleprompter, say embellished intelligence gatherers, without loss or manipulation of data by unauthorized parties. The debate airs on Tuesday from 9:00 - 10:30pm.