Scratch-and-Sniff Ballots Banned from Polling Stations

November 1st - The Federal Election Commission yesterday banned scratch-and-sniff ballots from polling centers in several cities in Mississippi, Nebraska, and Ohio, according to the Non-Associated Press.

The scratch-and-sniff ballots first arose as a rumor last month, when authorities in Cleveland came across the first mention of them on the Internet. This mention was initially dismissed as a hoax.

Several cases of these ballots were discovered 2 weeks ago, to be sent to polling centers for use on Election Day, say authorities. There were as many as 12 different 'flavors' available, from apple cinnamon to chocolate, to on labeled as 'fragrant flatulence.'

"None of this is particularly damaging," said Robert DeNiro in an unrelated interview, "This just shouldn't be done; it is not appropriate."

"We are tracking down those responsible for this," said an anonymous FBI official, who also commented as to why Robert DeNiro had anything to say at all on the matter.

Local Halloween Party Turns Away Costumes that Aren't Scary Enough

Baldwin, NY -November 1st - In a corner of Baldwin, on New York's Long Island, children and adults were turned away from a large party on Friday night because their costumes simply weren't scary enough for the MC's taste.

Reports based on statements from neighbors say that almost half the people that were headed to the party were seen leaving just minutes later. "It was obvious somebody had an agenda," said Betty Clermont, 46. "The people that left were children dressed as princesses, superman, batman, mermaids, and friendly animals. There were no witches, zombies, or ghosts leaving that party."

"They were letting all the ghosts and scary things go in. There was a guy with guts coming out of him. They went in, but the guy said we couldn't. He hates mermaids." said Tara, a 9-year-old girl who was happy to discuss the incident.

As many as 52 people were turned away from the party, according to estimates by eyewitness accounts.

Although several neighbors cited this incident as costume discrimination, no police reports were filed.